Welcome to the Psychedelic Blog. I write about the Impact of Psychedelics on Grieving, Relationships, Culture & Death. This week, I’m exploring the rise of the Psychedelic Couple—how tools like MDMA & Psilocybin are being used for relational transformation.
I think the whole “you don’t need drugs” line of thinking shows up in a lot of places. For instance, lots of fitness types hate Ozempic because they hate the idea of other people achieving with a pill what they achieved through hard work. I think maybe some in the meditation space feel similarly about psychedelics. Firstly, not everyone has the time, ability, or inclination to spend years developed a deep meditation practice that would rival what psychedelics can provide. Second, these things are not mutually exclusive. In the same way that someone who loses weight with Ozempic may then realize they’d like to put on some muscle, psychedelics provide a glimpse of what’s possible, and many find their way to meditation after as a more “sustainable” way of engaging in mindfulness.
If you lost weight & got in great shape the old-fashioned way, Ozempic threatens your status.
Similarly, many in the meditation cohort (condescendingly) view Psychedelics as 'cheating.' But as you rightfully point out, plenty of room for middle ground & nuance here.
Zooming out, all of these modalities are indicative of people trying to improve their lives. That is an exclusively positive thing we should celebrate, as opposed to nitpicking how, why, etc.
As a long-term "spiritual practitioner," as well as someone who has used MDMA extensively, tho not much else, as I told Andrew in a recent comment, I came to the understanding that the medicine probably has brought me as far as it can, and that I probably won't use it again.
The reason I put it this way is that the purpose of "meditation," as you call it, is to totally free a person from ego identification and allow him or her to remember what s/he really is. While I can imagine that there are some people who might get to this realization thru psychedelic use, that is mostly not what happens. Mostly, from what I can tell, people are still moving around in the lower levels, traveling, learning, exploring who they are and what spirit might be - BUT - that is not the same thing as freeing oneself. Yes, you can clear certain issues to some extent, couples and addicts do heal from its use. But there is more to this than that.
My view is that if one needs to take something to alter one's consciousness enough to expand and see bigger, then one will always need the substance. I see psychedelics as a crutch, or as the proverbial boat one uses to cross a river. Once across, the boat is left behind.
I had to look up Ozempic, and what I found leads me to believe that the user must continually take it to stay in that condition - if the person does respond positively. That is not the same as doing the work, hard or not, to become the person you want to be, which happens from the inside out.
This conversation can be broadened even more so by looking at AI. In my opinion, it is totally unnecessary and should only be used as a temporary research tool, bc the fact is that nothing artificial can possibly replace what Source made naturally for us, AND, by our nature, as emanations of Source, we are actually omniscient, but have forgotten how to access this knowledge and wisdom.
The Dzogchen tradition covers the topic of awakening very beautifully and simply by saying that one doesn't need to meditate, but to simply relax continuously - to let go and not cling to points of view - so that "sky-like Awareness" can take over. We are that Awareness.
So, I think it is a matter of continuing and of being deeply honest about what one really wants.
Such a great article. My husband and I, who are both in our 70s now, have been doing plant medicine work for about 4 years now both as a couple and in group settings. “Set and setting” (intention, recognition of the sacredness of the medicine, and facilitation by skilled practitioners) are key, but the integration piece that you talk about here is absolutely the most important element. That means practicing mindful living and communication every day, and seeing the world and our experiences in it as the curriculum in this earth school. This work has changed our relationship immensely. We have been studying the Bhagavad Gita and A Course in Miracles (ACIM) as part of our daily routine, and particularly in the latter, there is a recognition that one of the purposes of what the ACIM calls a sacred relationship is to break past the ego and realize who and what we truly are. This is achieved through human relationships in whatever form they take. In other words, human relationships are the “assignments” integral to learning. To have two people open to tackling this work together can yield profound changes not only for the couple, but for each as an individual.
Thank you for the kind words & for sharing this! I’m genuinely moved by the depth of your practice—both as a couple & as individuals.
I resonate with your take on relationships being “assignments.” That idea—that partnership is a spiritual classroom designed to dissolve ego—is something I’ve felt but hadn’t quite articulated as clearly until now. You nailed it.
Also agree completely: the ceremony cracks the door open, but it’s the daily practice—mindful communication, presence, accountability—that decides whether the insights actually take root. Honored you found value in the piece, and grateful you took the time to reflect so openly.
This is lovely. I’m a Gottman trained therapist and you’re right about couples therapy training. I never had a class on it in grad school. Some therapists have been using MDMA intentionally in couples work for years to great success. I have one client who does it quarterly with her husband and it’s slowly dissolving the stuck places between them. I’d love to offer retreats like this but am waiting until I have a reputable source (and it’s hopefully legalized in CO). I tend to favor psilocybin for exactly what you say - it brings things up from the roots. Thank you for writing!
Thank you so much for this—it means a lot coming from someone with clinical experience. I’ve heard that same thing from other therapists: little-to-no formal training in couples therapy, which is wild considering how common relational issues are.
MDMA really does have this uncanny ability to soften the sharp edges & help people feel safe enough to be seen. And yes, Psilocybin’s way of pulling things up from the root system… it’s less surgical, more spiritual—but powerful in its own right.
Excited to see more offerings like the one you're envisioning once legal access improves. Keep me posted if you move toward that retreat model—I’d love to support or share it when the time comes.
Your writing is obviously well researched which I appreciate! The same lack of training goes for substance abuse as well (another specialty of mine). I’m a tad worried about unqualified therapists jumping into psychedelic work without properly assessing folks. Even though psychedelics aren’t physically addicting, they can kick off other problems in some people. It’s a tool, not a cudgel.
If you see news of MDMA legalization in Colorado or New Mexico, assume I’m setting up a retreat but I’ll also update you 🤩
Another awesome pie of delicious pieces 👌l love your voiced truths of which l have engaged in and experienced first hand in my quests to solve issues in past relationships ✨️
Thanks so much for your efforts to spread the good word on ways drugs help us connect in our relationships. Do you have any guidance on topics or questions a couple might use to enhance a MDMA session or things to ponder while integrating after? Basically how to get the most out of the experience. Thanks 🙏🩷
Thanks so much! First, quick disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or facilitator, so I’m always reluctant to give advice.
That said, within my own circle, I’ve seen a huge range in how people experience MDMA—some of it seems to fall along gender lines. A lot of men revel in the novelty of being in heartspace, while many women enjoy that their partner can finally meet them there. For some, the experience is deeply sensual, for others it’s wildly sexual, and I know people who go fully into philosopher mode—talking about every corner of their life, their past, the cosmos, whatever. So it’s hard to predict what it’ll unlock for any one couple.
As far as getting the most out of it—I’d say less about scripting the night & more about creating the conditions: safe space, no time pressure, candles, phones away. Set an intention, but hold it loosely. And after, talk. Write. Share what lingered. The insights land in the days after, not during.
Appreciate you helping spread the good word on how these compounds can deepen connection!
I referred a friend to you and your work today. He's got some experience with MDMA lately through some psychologists who have set up a system of online guidance and who train others to conduct sessions with those who want a guide. Are you aware of this kind of program?
As a Biblically-based approach to therapy marriage and family therapist, I have had great success in helping both individuals and couples process their traumas and attachment disorders to the point they are able to be open (vulnerable) with their partners, parents, a friend - any healthy person in their support structure. And therein lies the missing point that was concerning to me in this article: a pre-screening for couples when one may be personality disordered and being vulnerable is NOT safe…ever. Losing control of our thoughts, feelings and emotions is not a Biblically-sound approach to trauma recovery. From a Biblical clinical standpoint, bringing people into a place and relationships where they can be vulnerable and not be judged or condemned is where the healing takes place. Just offering this alternative perspective to the use of substances as a measure to get people to open up and be vulnerable.
After 40 years of being a devout believer but eventually realizing how manipulated by Christianity I was…. I’ve experienced psychedelics (used with care and responsibility) and they have been a miracle in my growth and healing. Without question the most beautifully spiritual insights of my life have been illuminated more fully by them. Free from dogma or external authority, just the magnificence of the human soul and its relation to the universe and others.
The idea of Bible-based therapy makes me shudder. Hopefully you ignore the atrocious teachings of the Bible that once was considered “divinely inspired.”
Thank you for sharing this! I resonate with your journey. Psychedelics helped me unlearn so much inherited dogma too. The idea of Bible-based therapy giving spiritual guidance… yeah, hard pass.
Appreciate you sharing this perspective—it’s clear you’re articulating a specific practice that’s been meaningful in your work, and I fully respect that. What I’m pointing to is the macro view. Despite the growing availability of Biblically-based counseling, trauma-informed therapy, and endless resources—from books to social media content—the stats are bleak: divorce rates remain high, loneliness is on the rise, and relationship dysfunction is widespread.
Individual success stories matter, but the broader picture demonstrates that the status quo isn’t working. That’s why novel interventions—like MDMA & Psilocybin—are gaining traction. They’re not about losing control, but rather facilitating deep healing where traditional methods are ineffectual. And this isn’t speculative—there’s a ton of rigorous, peer-reviewed research supporting their efficacy in treating trauma & relational wounds. And they help couples have fun, an important experience that is missing from the conversation around 'therapy.'
I disagree, respectfully, and also know that “peer reviewed” means nothing in the grand scheme of things as stats and research is always skewed. Couples do not need to be under the influence of any drug in order to incorporate “fun” into their relationship again. It’s a false reality that is being presented and, yes - from a Biblical standpoint God directs us to not “get drunk” (lose control) as that is when the devil gets a foothold… Again, from a Biblical perspective God cares about our holiness, not our “happiness”. But when one seeks to be healed the way the Father healed/still heals (mainly through a relationship that does not judge or condemn) we find we join these two together and experience both simultaneously: holiness and happy. And a couple is what God designed as a full reflection of Him: two joined together as one. It takes both a man and a woman to fully reflect the character and nature of God. If that relationship is unhealed, it distorts His nature. Yes - healing trauma is imperative but losing control of one’s mind and memory is not part of a holistic approach to trauma processing and healing.
Respectfully-there’s some projection happening here. Not everyone loses control or "escapes" when using substances like MDMA; that’s a typical mind fallacy — assuming everyone’s experience would mirror your own fears or framework.
In my experience — and through countless other couples I know — MDMA doesn’t disconnect people from reality; it helps them face it with more honesty, softness, and openness. It’s not about chasing happiness or bypassing healing. It's about removing the walls that trauma and ego so often build. These are programmed beliefs from decades of government propaganda.
I fully respect that your path looks different, but for many, these experiences are sacred & deeply healing — not a distortion, but a return to something more true.
Great piece! It's funny, my girlfriend and I have done psychedelics together AND we're doing couples therapy. I've discovered first-hand a few of your critiques about that process. Wondering about whether psychedelic-assisted therapy would be a good supplement.
I think the whole “you don’t need drugs” line of thinking shows up in a lot of places. For instance, lots of fitness types hate Ozempic because they hate the idea of other people achieving with a pill what they achieved through hard work. I think maybe some in the meditation space feel similarly about psychedelics. Firstly, not everyone has the time, ability, or inclination to spend years developed a deep meditation practice that would rival what psychedelics can provide. Second, these things are not mutually exclusive. In the same way that someone who loses weight with Ozempic may then realize they’d like to put on some muscle, psychedelics provide a glimpse of what’s possible, and many find their way to meditation after as a more “sustainable” way of engaging in mindfulness.
100%! Well said.
If you lost weight & got in great shape the old-fashioned way, Ozempic threatens your status.
Similarly, many in the meditation cohort (condescendingly) view Psychedelics as 'cheating.' But as you rightfully point out, plenty of room for middle ground & nuance here.
Zooming out, all of these modalities are indicative of people trying to improve their lives. That is an exclusively positive thing we should celebrate, as opposed to nitpicking how, why, etc.
Hi Ishmael,
As a long-term "spiritual practitioner," as well as someone who has used MDMA extensively, tho not much else, as I told Andrew in a recent comment, I came to the understanding that the medicine probably has brought me as far as it can, and that I probably won't use it again.
The reason I put it this way is that the purpose of "meditation," as you call it, is to totally free a person from ego identification and allow him or her to remember what s/he really is. While I can imagine that there are some people who might get to this realization thru psychedelic use, that is mostly not what happens. Mostly, from what I can tell, people are still moving around in the lower levels, traveling, learning, exploring who they are and what spirit might be - BUT - that is not the same thing as freeing oneself. Yes, you can clear certain issues to some extent, couples and addicts do heal from its use. But there is more to this than that.
My view is that if one needs to take something to alter one's consciousness enough to expand and see bigger, then one will always need the substance. I see psychedelics as a crutch, or as the proverbial boat one uses to cross a river. Once across, the boat is left behind.
I had to look up Ozempic, and what I found leads me to believe that the user must continually take it to stay in that condition - if the person does respond positively. That is not the same as doing the work, hard or not, to become the person you want to be, which happens from the inside out.
This conversation can be broadened even more so by looking at AI. In my opinion, it is totally unnecessary and should only be used as a temporary research tool, bc the fact is that nothing artificial can possibly replace what Source made naturally for us, AND, by our nature, as emanations of Source, we are actually omniscient, but have forgotten how to access this knowledge and wisdom.
The Dzogchen tradition covers the topic of awakening very beautifully and simply by saying that one doesn't need to meditate, but to simply relax continuously - to let go and not cling to points of view - so that "sky-like Awareness" can take over. We are that Awareness.
So, I think it is a matter of continuing and of being deeply honest about what one really wants.
Blessings, Parisse
I totally agree with the ascended masters edition of spiritual awareness and meditation of which l practise most days religiously 💫
Psychedelics are my playground into accessing spaces, dimensions and portals.
Each time l row across the river l bring with me the experiences to integrate into my daily lifestyle of finding the joy and love in all that l do 🫶
Beautiful!
Such a great article. My husband and I, who are both in our 70s now, have been doing plant medicine work for about 4 years now both as a couple and in group settings. “Set and setting” (intention, recognition of the sacredness of the medicine, and facilitation by skilled practitioners) are key, but the integration piece that you talk about here is absolutely the most important element. That means practicing mindful living and communication every day, and seeing the world and our experiences in it as the curriculum in this earth school. This work has changed our relationship immensely. We have been studying the Bhagavad Gita and A Course in Miracles (ACIM) as part of our daily routine, and particularly in the latter, there is a recognition that one of the purposes of what the ACIM calls a sacred relationship is to break past the ego and realize who and what we truly are. This is achieved through human relationships in whatever form they take. In other words, human relationships are the “assignments” integral to learning. To have two people open to tackling this work together can yield profound changes not only for the couple, but for each as an individual.
Thank you for the kind words & for sharing this! I’m genuinely moved by the depth of your practice—both as a couple & as individuals.
I resonate with your take on relationships being “assignments.” That idea—that partnership is a spiritual classroom designed to dissolve ego—is something I’ve felt but hadn’t quite articulated as clearly until now. You nailed it.
Also agree completely: the ceremony cracks the door open, but it’s the daily practice—mindful communication, presence, accountability—that decides whether the insights actually take root. Honored you found value in the piece, and grateful you took the time to reflect so openly.
This is lovely. I’m a Gottman trained therapist and you’re right about couples therapy training. I never had a class on it in grad school. Some therapists have been using MDMA intentionally in couples work for years to great success. I have one client who does it quarterly with her husband and it’s slowly dissolving the stuck places between them. I’d love to offer retreats like this but am waiting until I have a reputable source (and it’s hopefully legalized in CO). I tend to favor psilocybin for exactly what you say - it brings things up from the roots. Thank you for writing!
Thank you so much for this—it means a lot coming from someone with clinical experience. I’ve heard that same thing from other therapists: little-to-no formal training in couples therapy, which is wild considering how common relational issues are.
MDMA really does have this uncanny ability to soften the sharp edges & help people feel safe enough to be seen. And yes, Psilocybin’s way of pulling things up from the root system… it’s less surgical, more spiritual—but powerful in its own right.
Excited to see more offerings like the one you're envisioning once legal access improves. Keep me posted if you move toward that retreat model—I’d love to support or share it when the time comes.
Your writing is obviously well researched which I appreciate! The same lack of training goes for substance abuse as well (another specialty of mine). I’m a tad worried about unqualified therapists jumping into psychedelic work without properly assessing folks. Even though psychedelics aren’t physically addicting, they can kick off other problems in some people. It’s a tool, not a cudgel.
If you see news of MDMA legalization in Colorado or New Mexico, assume I’m setting up a retreat but I’ll also update you 🤩
Thank you!
Totally agree. Powerful tools, but not risk-free. Your perspective on substance abuse is so needed in this space.
And yes—please keep me posted on the retreat!
Another awesome pie of delicious pieces 👌l love your voiced truths of which l have engaged in and experienced first hand in my quests to solve issues in past relationships ✨️
Thank you so much! This means a lot.
Glad it landed with your first hand experiences.
Thanks so much for your efforts to spread the good word on ways drugs help us connect in our relationships. Do you have any guidance on topics or questions a couple might use to enhance a MDMA session or things to ponder while integrating after? Basically how to get the most out of the experience. Thanks 🙏🩷
Thanks so much! First, quick disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or facilitator, so I’m always reluctant to give advice.
That said, within my own circle, I’ve seen a huge range in how people experience MDMA—some of it seems to fall along gender lines. A lot of men revel in the novelty of being in heartspace, while many women enjoy that their partner can finally meet them there. For some, the experience is deeply sensual, for others it’s wildly sexual, and I know people who go fully into philosopher mode—talking about every corner of their life, their past, the cosmos, whatever. So it’s hard to predict what it’ll unlock for any one couple.
As far as getting the most out of it—I’d say less about scripting the night & more about creating the conditions: safe space, no time pressure, candles, phones away. Set an intention, but hold it loosely. And after, talk. Write. Share what lingered. The insights land in the days after, not during.
Appreciate you helping spread the good word on how these compounds can deepen connection!
Hi Andrew,
I referred a friend to you and your work today. He's got some experience with MDMA lately through some psychologists who have set up a system of online guidance and who train others to conduct sessions with those who want a guide. Are you aware of this kind of program?
As a Biblically-based approach to therapy marriage and family therapist, I have had great success in helping both individuals and couples process their traumas and attachment disorders to the point they are able to be open (vulnerable) with their partners, parents, a friend - any healthy person in their support structure. And therein lies the missing point that was concerning to me in this article: a pre-screening for couples when one may be personality disordered and being vulnerable is NOT safe…ever. Losing control of our thoughts, feelings and emotions is not a Biblically-sound approach to trauma recovery. From a Biblical clinical standpoint, bringing people into a place and relationships where they can be vulnerable and not be judged or condemned is where the healing takes place. Just offering this alternative perspective to the use of substances as a measure to get people to open up and be vulnerable.
After 40 years of being a devout believer but eventually realizing how manipulated by Christianity I was…. I’ve experienced psychedelics (used with care and responsibility) and they have been a miracle in my growth and healing. Without question the most beautifully spiritual insights of my life have been illuminated more fully by them. Free from dogma or external authority, just the magnificence of the human soul and its relation to the universe and others.
The idea of Bible-based therapy makes me shudder. Hopefully you ignore the atrocious teachings of the Bible that once was considered “divinely inspired.”
Thank you for sharing this! I resonate with your journey. Psychedelics helped me unlearn so much inherited dogma too. The idea of Bible-based therapy giving spiritual guidance… yeah, hard pass.
Appreciate you sharing this perspective—it’s clear you’re articulating a specific practice that’s been meaningful in your work, and I fully respect that. What I’m pointing to is the macro view. Despite the growing availability of Biblically-based counseling, trauma-informed therapy, and endless resources—from books to social media content—the stats are bleak: divorce rates remain high, loneliness is on the rise, and relationship dysfunction is widespread.
Individual success stories matter, but the broader picture demonstrates that the status quo isn’t working. That’s why novel interventions—like MDMA & Psilocybin—are gaining traction. They’re not about losing control, but rather facilitating deep healing where traditional methods are ineffectual. And this isn’t speculative—there’s a ton of rigorous, peer-reviewed research supporting their efficacy in treating trauma & relational wounds. And they help couples have fun, an important experience that is missing from the conversation around 'therapy.'
I disagree, respectfully, and also know that “peer reviewed” means nothing in the grand scheme of things as stats and research is always skewed. Couples do not need to be under the influence of any drug in order to incorporate “fun” into their relationship again. It’s a false reality that is being presented and, yes - from a Biblical standpoint God directs us to not “get drunk” (lose control) as that is when the devil gets a foothold… Again, from a Biblical perspective God cares about our holiness, not our “happiness”. But when one seeks to be healed the way the Father healed/still heals (mainly through a relationship that does not judge or condemn) we find we join these two together and experience both simultaneously: holiness and happy. And a couple is what God designed as a full reflection of Him: two joined together as one. It takes both a man and a woman to fully reflect the character and nature of God. If that relationship is unhealed, it distorts His nature. Yes - healing trauma is imperative but losing control of one’s mind and memory is not part of a holistic approach to trauma processing and healing.
Respectfully-there’s some projection happening here. Not everyone loses control or "escapes" when using substances like MDMA; that’s a typical mind fallacy — assuming everyone’s experience would mirror your own fears or framework.
In my experience — and through countless other couples I know — MDMA doesn’t disconnect people from reality; it helps them face it with more honesty, softness, and openness. It’s not about chasing happiness or bypassing healing. It's about removing the walls that trauma and ego so often build. These are programmed beliefs from decades of government propaganda.
I fully respect that your path looks different, but for many, these experiences are sacred & deeply healing — not a distortion, but a return to something more true.
“So profound it becomes a reference point.” That hits so well. God.
Thanks, brother!
Great piece! It's funny, my girlfriend and I have done psychedelics together AND we're doing couples therapy. I've discovered first-hand a few of your critiques about that process. Wondering about whether psychedelic-assisted therapy would be a good supplement.
Thanks, brother! Makes sense…I had encountered similar challenges with couples therapy in a past relationship.
Glad you enjoyed the piece!