This was such a delight to read, it felt honest and almost cinematic. The way you described that quiet moment when a relationship is already over, and everyone in the room can feel it without a word being said, brought back memories I didn’t even realize I still carried.
I really admire the way you write,how you guide us through complex emotional terrain and let us sit with both the uncomfortable and the tender at the same time, inviting real reflection.
Really beautiful! Your comment about Alain de Botton's work reminds me of some of Gabor Mate's work where he says we fall in love on two distinct levels: (1) the conscious, surface-level attraction (chemistry, fun, shared interests); and (2)the subconscious, deeper level, where we seek to resolve unfinished childhood emotional wounds.
No question that's present in my current relationship with my fiancee. Yes, she's fun and pretty and we have chemistry. But there's a deeper attraction (and clash) where she rounds me out by being much more open-hearted and emotional than me, which is the same thing that drives me nuts sometimes.
That's awesome - and yeah, you two are one of the couples I enjoy being around, you guys radiate a beautiful energy & her speech at your bday party was amazing. Happy you found someone who brings you joy & balance!
Thanks for this. I don’t understand why the Substack algorithm doesn’t show me your work more frequently. I guess I’ll need to be more intentional about watching for it.
Enjoyed how the direction of author’s evolving intuition about this topic becomes a topic itself.
I too am going thru some of this, in a way of understanding how love life is on a different strata than almost any other activity.
Desire overlap of physical gravitation, where we follow the body, vs. care and company aspect, which is a much different sea of emotions, and how these lines intersect sometimes.
Whatever substances do to us, the value seems to be especially high in this: when we reflect on our selves, our love and relationships, we close our eyes and often invent illusions when near these intersections. And when in an altered mind state, we don’t.
This nails it: “Whatever substances do to us, the value seems to be especially high in this: when we reflect on our selves, our love and relationships, we close our eyes yes and often invent illusions when near these intersections. And when in an altered mind state, we don’t.”
Appreciate the kind words & the thoughtful addition to the conversation!
This was such a delight to read, it felt honest and almost cinematic. The way you described that quiet moment when a relationship is already over, and everyone in the room can feel it without a word being said, brought back memories I didn’t even realize I still carried.
I really admire the way you write,how you guide us through complex emotional terrain and let us sit with both the uncomfortable and the tender at the same time, inviting real reflection.
Wow, what a beautiful comment! Thank you so much for this. I won't forget this one.
Appreciate you reading & sharing this!
honest and thoughtful. Thanks Andrew!
Thank you, brother! Much appreciated.
Really beautiful! Your comment about Alain de Botton's work reminds me of some of Gabor Mate's work where he says we fall in love on two distinct levels: (1) the conscious, surface-level attraction (chemistry, fun, shared interests); and (2)the subconscious, deeper level, where we seek to resolve unfinished childhood emotional wounds.
No question that's present in my current relationship with my fiancee. Yes, she's fun and pretty and we have chemistry. But there's a deeper attraction (and clash) where she rounds me out by being much more open-hearted and emotional than me, which is the same thing that drives me nuts sometimes.
Thanks, brother!
That's awesome - and yeah, you two are one of the couples I enjoy being around, you guys radiate a beautiful energy & her speech at your bday party was amazing. Happy you found someone who brings you joy & balance!
Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for this. I don’t understand why the Substack algorithm doesn’t show me your work more frequently. I guess I’ll need to be more intentional about watching for it.
Thanks, David. Appreciate this.
Not sure how the algorithm works...but I appreciate that my work is landing.
Enjoyed how the direction of author’s evolving intuition about this topic becomes a topic itself.
I too am going thru some of this, in a way of understanding how love life is on a different strata than almost any other activity.
Desire overlap of physical gravitation, where we follow the body, vs. care and company aspect, which is a much different sea of emotions, and how these lines intersect sometimes.
Whatever substances do to us, the value seems to be especially high in this: when we reflect on our selves, our love and relationships, we close our eyes and often invent illusions when near these intersections. And when in an altered mind state, we don’t.
Disillusioning ourselves, growing up somehow.
Love this. What a beautiful share.
This nails it: “Whatever substances do to us, the value seems to be especially high in this: when we reflect on our selves, our love and relationships, we close our eyes yes and often invent illusions when near these intersections. And when in an altered mind state, we don’t.”
Appreciate the kind words & the thoughtful addition to the conversation!
I love the honesty here. Uncomfortable for sure and yet it’s the only way to really go through life. With eyes wide open. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Kristin! Appreciate this.
Well said…the only way is through (with eyes wide open).